princessantly | Week 8; Thursday night; Faize

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Week 8; Thursday night; Faize

[ It's... still something to adjust to, the first time she'd stood in front of the door and raised her hand to knock, and it had gone right through it. Being a ghost isn't a simple matter, and while she's grateful that it means she isn't completely gone from everything, it's also made certain things difficult.

She needs to talk to Faize, as best as she can, she knows that. But first, she needs to know what she can do like this. So the first few days are spent practicing in places where people won't be weirded out by floating pebbles and the like. And still, it doesn't feel as though she's entirely gotten the hang of it, and she's still so exhausted after every effort... but seeing Faize in front of her makeshift grave marker decides her.

So this time, instead of standing anxiously in front of his door and talking herself out of it, out of fear of catching him in a private moment, she walks right through it.

There has to be a way to reach him. ]

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[It's a shame that he'll probably never know why it took her so long to visit. It would actually make him laugh to know that his door gave her so much trouble. And he hasn't done much, if any, laughing in a week now.]

[Alisha, however, will be relieved to know that she's not walking in on anything indecent. Faize is laying in the middle of the floor with several papers spread out all around him. From the looks of what's on some of said papers, somebody's been teaching him Japanese. And apparently now seemed as good a time as any to review and practice writing. It's a decent distraction, even if there's only so much he can do without sensei around to teach him new words.]

[As far as a way to reach him...sadly, his room remains uncluttered as usual. Other than the papers on the floor in front of him and his sword leaning against his bed, there really isn't anything noteworthy in the room itself. The bedside table, however, is a different story. There's a paper flower on the side nearest his bed that she might recognize as one of the ones from her room. Thank Bill for that, he stole your flowers. And next to it, there's a lidless jar with filled with many small paper stars. Faize...probably did not fold these either. They look too nice, so it was probably someone who really knows their way around origami.]

[ Alisha's a little surprised to find him on the floor, but... well, it's hardly unusual to see Faize so intently studying, and the sight makes her smile a bit before her gaze shifts elsewhere.

The flower... was that one of the ones she'd made? And the stars are new-- much to her relief, the jar doesn't have a lid, so she focuses on the stars instead, pouring her concentration into her fingers as she reaches in.

Faize may not notice one of the pink paper stars floating up and out of the jar, but it'll be approaching him soon enough to hover in front of him. ]

[He is facing the completely wrong direction to notice anything that may or may not be happening on his bedside table. So, on the one hand: he's in for a nice surprise. On the other...this is Faize we're talking about. Remember what happened in the closet? He startles stupidly easy for someone so composed. Especially when he's really focusing on something, like he is now.]

[So when he notices the little paper star hovering in front of him...he yelps loudly, sitting bolt upright and scrambling backwards until he bumps into the bedside table, making the lamp wobble dangerously. Good to know Alisha can still make his heart race, even as a ghost.]

[Once he gets over his initial shock, however, he realizes what a floating paper star must mean. Or well, the gist, anyway. He's not going to make any assumptions about identity just yet. He's not sure if he's ready to have a ghostly encounter of the Alisha kind or not.]

...who's there?

[ ... Oops. Sorry, Faize, and she murmurs this under her breath, even though it's pretty damn obvious he won't hear her.

Which also means she can't really answer his question so simply, so the paper star hovers there a little uncertainly for a few more seconds as Alisha debates her options. She could go get more stars and try spelling out her name, or perhaps the first initial-- but maybe that'll be her second option.

The first...

The star floats a little closer. And nothing else, not yet. Whoever this is, they're clearly trying to let him know where they are in proximity. ]

[It's okay, he's certainly not going to hold it against whoever this ghost may or may not be. He understands they kind of have limited options here, there's only so many ways to make your presence known and even fewer that aren't going to freak someone out when you do it unexpectedly.]

[...crap, maybe he should have written out a Ouija board like Inaba did. That would have been the smart thing to do here. But too late, he already asked. So he'll just...wait patiently for a different answer, keeping his eyes on the star as it moves closer.]

[ Eventually the star comes to a stop in front of him and lowers itself to the floor.

But then Faize will feel a very light pressure against his lips, a bit like a single finger held there. Like someone's very politely telling him to hush. ]

[For a moment, Faize looks briefly confused. Is the ghost visit over already? He has no way of knowing without the floating star to act as a visual aid. At least until he feels that pressure on his lips, anyway. His eyes go wide for a moment, because he knows there's only one person who would do that to identify themselves.]

[...and then his eyes start welling up with tears. Even Faize couldn't tell you if he's really, really happy or really, really sad at the moment. Because he was both hoping for and dreading something like this happening at the same time. So maybe the answer is both.]

[But he's not actually going to cry, dammit, he did enough of that Sunday night during and after Sadie's execution. And he definitely does not want to cry about Alisha in front of Alisha. Just...nope. No. So he hastily wipes his eyes on his sleeve, keeping his head down as he does so.]

Alisha, I... [He pauses. He told Hinata he'd wait to do this till they figured out a way to bring the ghosts back from half dead to fully alive, but...well, he hadn't counted on a solo ghost encounter before then. And he can't very well put off apologizing in favor of a normal conversation, that would just be a little weird. But he can't really tell her to go away either. Nor does he want to, for that matter.] I'm sorry. I should have gone with you, I didn't mean to... I mean I--

[He inhales deeply and wipes more vigorously at his eyes. Come on, you're upset but keep it together here. Don't start rambling brokenly.]

...I'm sorry that I couldn't protect you.

That's not your fault!!

[ She's quick to blurt this out, remembering all too late that he can't hear her. He can't see her shake her head, or watch the chagrined look darken her eyes when she realizes he's tearing up. She can't do a single thing that she'd normally do to reassure him and the pressure on his lips vanishes as her focus gets shaken.

It's also because she draws her hand back, though. She's not sure how to comfort him, or even if she can, even if all she really wants to do is hug him tightly. But no, there are limits.

It takes a whole lot of effort to reach out and concentrate once again, just enough for Faize to feel soft pressure cradling his face-- but this disappears rather quickly. The star will rise off the ground again, because that's a little easier, and she doesn't want him thinking that she's gone.

It's not his fault. It will never be his fault, and she only wishes she could tell him that directly. ]

[Well...okay, maybe it's not his fault exactly. But nobody will be able to convince him that he doesn't share at least a small portion of the blame. Others have tried, none have succeeded because Faize is a stubborn asshole.]

[Which he did try and warn her about so really, she should have seen this coming.]

[Even if he can't actually hear her though, he knows Alisha well enough by now know what her response likely is. Maybe not the exact wording, but the general sentiment, certainly. And suddenly he's a little glad he didn't wait. So he doesn't actually have to hear her tell him that he didn't do anything wrong.]

[He wipes the last of his tears away and takes a deep breath, keeping his eyes on the again-floating star. He's okay, he's fine now. He can cry about this properly later or maybe neve-- no, Astrid will be able to tell that he's trying to repress and she'll punch him for it. Again.]

I am...not so arrogant that I believe this was entirely my fault. Or even mostly my fault. Ultimately, I know that the blame belongs with those who set this "game" up in the first place. [Not even Sadie, MAD AT HER THOUGH HE STILL IS (a small part of him still wishes he'd been able to get one punch in before her execution)...she's technically a victim too. They all are.] But, even so, please...do not try and tell me that there wasn't more I should have done.

[ In response, the star... shakes in place rather frantically. Faize may be stubborn, as he'd warned her, but she had also informed him about her own stubbornness, and this is something Alisha believes strongly: absolutely none of this was his fault. Even now, she regrets not just staying with him for a little bit longer. Even now, she wishes this could have turned out differently.

If there is any way to get her voice to reach him one day, she thinks, she'll absolutely find it. ]

[UGH. ALISHA. LET HIM HAVE THIS. JUST THIS ONE THING. 5% OF THE BLAME, AT LEAST.]

[He's prepared to keep arguing, as stubborn assholes do, but something about the sight of the frantically shaking star softens his resolve. Though probably not in the way Alisha intended...unless she was trying to make him laugh? Because that's what ends up happening.]

[It starts quietly, but it's immediately obvious that it's genuine. And Faize hates himself a little for being unable to hold it back. Nothing about this situation is funny, this sort-of conversation in particular is very serious! Yet, here he is: laughing at this dumb paper star. Yup, just another day on Mr. Beleth's Wild Emotional Ride. He cannot wait for the day that he gets these stupid things under control again.]

[He covers his mouth as a last-ditch effort to stop his laughter from growing louder, looking vaguely distressed and apologetic as he does so.] F-forgive me. I am not making light of this, I swear, I do not find the situation humorous at all, but...

[BUT THE FUCKING STAR. PLEASE JUST PICTURE WHAT THIS LOOKS ON HIS END.]

[Faize clears his throat, reconfiguring his expression to something appropriately serious, resolute, and dignified. We're just going to pretend that small laughing fit didn't happen, alright? Alright.]

I am afraid, with as stubborn as we both are, we must agree to disagree on the matter. At least, until such a time as we can both speak freely. [A beat, before he hesitantly adds:] And I...do not wish to spend this time arguing.

[ Really, Faize? Here she is, trying to console him, and he's expressing distressed mirth?

She could be offended, but this is the happiest (? ) she's seen him in a while. And he's right, she'd rather not argue right now. So the star stills, then bobs up once.

Okay, fine, but she'll remember this. ]

[Listen...if she didn't pick up on the fact that he has some really serious issues with emotional expression, there's just no hope for her. And her death just made that about ten times worse. When you've never felt grief before, you're woefully unprepared to deal with it. Especially when you have the tendency to feel emotions at a good three times the capacity a normal person should. This is hardly the first time he's laughed at a completely inappropriate time.]

[Hopefully it WILL be the last time though because dear lord...]

[In any event, he has people like Hinata and Astrid and Poland and Urashima and Bill. People who all have their own ways of helping, even if some of those methods are a little questionable. And he has Alisha too, in a way. She's not as gone as she should be, and he's thankful for that, even if he's terrified they're gonna fuck this up and lose the ghosts forever. He'll get all the pieces back together, eventually. He just needs time.]

I am glad you agree...even if you don't really want to. [His lips twitch into a knowing sort of smirk for a moment. That's what that pause meant, right? But then they relax back into something more subdued.] And I am glad...you're here, as well. Now that that other matter is out of the way, I think I can say that with certainty now.

[A small, lingering part of him still kind of wishes she hadn't but he is IGNORING that part because literally nobody asked for your input right now, left brain. Take a break for once.]

...I've missed you.

... Faize...

[ He can't hear her, she knows, so speaking is a futile effort... but she wants to say it. Because she's been guilt-stricken and worried this whole time. She'd do anything to be able to touch him again, even just grasping the warmth of his hand. But that much is past her limits right now... so instead?

Boop, goes the tiny star against his nose. ]

I've missed you too. And I'm sorry.

[He goes slightly cross-eyed for a second, trying to keep his eyes on the star and not realizing until it's too late what she was planning to do with it. But once his eyes straighten back out, he smiles warmly.]

[He chooses to believe that nose poke means she's missed him too and he's not going to ask for clarification either way. Actually, he's not going to say anything at all for a minute or two. Apparently that whole "your presence alone is all I need" thing still holds true. Which is good because that's about all either of them can manage now.]

[But oh, if he could hold her hand right now, he would.]

Mmm...I suppose I should be putting this time to better use than silence. Enjoyable though that is, I assume you suffer from the same energy problems mentioned at the sleepover. And I could further assume that merely holding onto that star is expending some of it.

So...have you been able to figure anything else out now that you are with the others? I know that Gilbert was able to relay some information to Break, but...

[But what even is Pandora Hearts, basically.]

[ Look, she could find a pen and scrawl "I MISSED YOU TOO" on one of his papers, but he's right, all of this takes energy and if she wants this to last a little longer, she can't expend it all on expressing what other gestures will (hopefully) accomplish.

At the question, though, the star moves back a little and bobs, just once. It hasn't been as much information as she would have liked, but it's true that there's more beyond death than she would have originally guessed. ]

[But wait, there's more! Good to know this principle applies even in death. Half death. Why does death have to be so complicated here.]

Is there anything I should know then? Or rather...is it even possible to share it at the moment? More than anything, I still wish to help bring about the best possible outcome for all involved parties, but there is only so much I can do while still mostly blind to the bigger picture.

[HE'S TRYING but he doesn't even know where to start with this bullshit. Whenever he tries asking for information he just gets snubbed, it's awful. LET HIM HELP.]

[ There isn't a lot Alisha knows about the situation, and very little of it is something that would be able to help Faize solve this mess. She can at least tell him what she's learned--

... Or try, considering... well, right now, she can just be a floating paper star, and just this much is already starting to wear her out.

So once again, a single bob, although this one's a little slower. ]

[Faize watches the star and then sighs with an apologetic smile. Don't think he didn't notice that bob was slower!]

Is there a way you can convey the information with a single word or gesture? Otherwise, it can wait for another time. I hadn't realized just how draining this is, since last time we dealt with an entire group, and I do not wish to tire you out completely. [If she were Hinata, different story. He'd make Hinata tell him everything, no matter how tired he got. #friendship]

[ That... sure is friendship. She can't explain it all in a single word, though (if only), so this time the star bobs twice. She'll have to figure out how to explain it enough so that they can then continue with yes-or-no questions. It might be easier that way, and she's seen how wiped out Gilbert gets with all of his fussing over Break. ]

[Somebody stop Gilbert before he kills himself for real fussing over Break.]

Another time, then. If you are willing to meet with me a second time, that is. [Which maybe, just maybe, he looks a little happy about. Because that means he gets to "see" Alisha again. So this suits him...fine enough. Alisha not being dead would, of course, be better. But we can't always get what we want.] In the meantime...if it is not too much trouble, could I ask you to bring the star here, just for a moment?

["Here" presumably being his palm, as he just raised his hand to about shoulder-level, holding it open flat with his palm facing where he assumes Alisha is.]

[ And they say true rest comes after death, which can't be true, because not only is she on babysitting duty, but she's more exhausted than she's ever been before. Truly, it's unfair.

But this is all she can do right now, and seeing Faize again, letting him know she's here.. it's worth every last bit of effort.

The star dips a little now, before slowly floating closer and settling itself in his palm. There you go, Faize. ]

[Sorry they're all terrible and need babysitting, Alisha. Maybe we'll kill off more of the problem children in the coming weeks, so that the poor ghosts can have some rest. Half rest.]

[Once the star is against his palm, Faize's fingers curl downwards until they're sort of lightly closed around it. Though, it's obvious it's not really the star he's trying to hold. If she lets go of it and it slips between his fingers, he won't really care. The star was merely a guiding point to the thing Faize really wants to hold. The thing that he can't hold, no matter how hard he tries, so he has to settle for perhaps the palest imitation possible. It's hardly a substitute, and he knows it, but even pretending is better than nothing. At least for him.]

Thank you.

[For lots of things, really. He has at least as many things to be thankful for as he does apologetic, as far as Alisha is concerned.]

[ Maybe one day he'll be able to hold more than a star, or empty space. And maybe it's a foolish thing to pour the rest of her energy into, but seeing Faize's gesture and remembering all too vividly how it had actually felt to wrap her arms around him or press their fingers together or kiss him...

Alisha can't really help it.

There's soft pressure on the undersides of his fingers, as though there really is a hand there for a minute. And then-- gone.

She'll be back. ]

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Week 8; Thursday night; Faize

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1/3

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this is it. this is how i will die. nose boops.

you're welcome

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